The Alternative Child Birth

I was 10yrs old the first time I helped deliver a baby, all I had to do was boil some water and fetch clean linen. by the time I was 16 years old, I had helped to delivered up to 9 babies. it is a very normal thing this giving birth, painful yes but the women bore the pain with pride and dignity befitting the species at the top of the food chain. Years ago, we were filming in Nigeria, this particular day we were filming in a forest near a river. It was about 4.30am we were in the make up Winnebago when five women passed us on there way to fetch wood, one of them was heavily pregnant and I commented that she looked ready to drop have the baby. 

A while later, the same group of women went past us and just as we were talking about how a pregnant women could carry such a heavy load of wood, there was commotion and instinctively I got some clean cloth and some boiled water and ran in the direction the ladies had taken. when we got there the woman was in labour and in no time we helped deliver the baby, cleaned the baby, cut the umbilical cord, thy placed the baby on her back secured withe her wrapper. the rest of the women shared out her load and off home they went, (walking). 

Can you imagine that in Europe. I hope African women always remain strong! 

Modern Parenting: Policy, politics and the illusion of equality

If we live in an age of equality, why are women are still left holding the baby?
Patti writes; "Am I going mad or is this the way things have always been, my mother had nine children brought up eight of them and still managed to work, feed and educate us. I would hate to describe myself as a modern woman because it means weakness to me. I admire all the Nigerian women I grew up with who brought up their daughters to be strong and stand up to whatever life throws at them, and if you bring a chld in the world, sure it's easier if life could be handed to you on a plate, then you have been created with the strength and love to be the care taker of that child or children." 

Women today achieve success at school, at university and in their early careers, and enter into relationships on their own terms. So it might seem that the equality debate has been laid to rest.
Patti says; "My mother was right when she said that 'it seems the more educated and qaulified women get the less common sense they mentain'. Equality to me is a confusing debate to me because I like being a woman, I know for sure even when I was as young as five that though men have been created naturally with muscles, women have the brains and the know how to make the world go round, to control and repair the damge done by men. Women have the greatest gift of all from nature, which is that of a cunning strategist for the sake of the children she would have to keep safe. When I arrived in Europe in the 70s I was convinced that God had created a different type of woman in Britain, one that would put herself first before her children and I wondered what kind of children and society they owuld give birth to and now I have lived long enough in Britain to see the result and i am not surprised by the outcome. I have met among women in Britain some strong, natural, real women, but judging purely by those I have met, these women are in the minority and I hope and pray that in other European countries they are in the majority."        

But once they have children, their illusions are swiftly shattered. For all the current talk of shared parenting, women still find themselves bearing primary responsibility for bringing up their children, while fathers remain "the breadwinners".

Patti says; "Shared parenting is something you cultivate not enforce, like saying please and would you. Not all men are built for parenting and now I know that not all women are built for motherhood and I would rather leave an infant child with a gay couple than a woman who has lost natural gift because she is pursuing her goals in the wrong way, i.e as a man rather than as a woman. this to me means hse is not being true to herself so why should she be taken seriously. Men have mothers and respect their mothers in many cases, how is he to respect a woman who has not even got the gift of the strength that makes him respect his mother. From a man's point of view if he falls in love with a woman whom he knows has always been openly modern and permiscious, in his position I would always wonder if the child was mine, or if the men I meet have already been there before me, and whether she is a good time had by all. Luckily, western modern men don't care about this because it leaves them free to be unfaithful without too much conscience; 'What's the big deal?' I hear them say and I have to agree. Don't get me wrong I am no saint, but I have strong rules laid down for married life which I won't go into here. I have been with my husband for 34yrs and thank God we are happily and blissfully married. Over the years we have taken turns being the bread winners, it's no big deal for goodness sake, it's him, me and our children against the world and we are not stupid enough to expect outside or political rules to help make us a happy family. If that is what you expect from your politicians then words fail me. My husband and I are not in competition with each other".           
The consequences of this enduring inequality in the home reach far beyond individuals and into society as a whole.
Patti says; "With our children, my husband and I play good cop bad cop, not intentionally, it's natural, I'm the ogre and he is the angel. I like it that way because I make the unpopular and point he calms the situation. to be honest it's painful being the baddy and I a lot of the time I hated it and it hurt but I knew I was doing the right thing. I was not going to bring up children that would bring hurt instead of being a blessing to the people they meet. A lot of people believed that I was not making them strong, believe me when I say that being rude does not mean you're strong who ever gave people that idea, being rude means you are weak and not so civilised, even animals are considerate. It takes strength, inner beauty to be polite and considerate, many times I have watched people being rude to others and I have felt pity for them because of their lack of manners and basic up bringing and their whole being deminishes infront of me and it doesn't matter how rich or important they think they are, at that moment any animal in the jungle would put them to shame.For goodness sake let's think again about forever creating these new reforms, they will be our undoing. the Book of Wisdom reminds us that the more knowledge we acquire the more sorrow we create, so let's stop carrying on as if we know what tomorrow will bring and let's look back and learn from our past mistakes and adopt some of the tried and tested routes".
As the government introduces new 'flexible' parental leave for parents in the first year, writer and broadcaster Rebecca Asher visits the RSA to ask: how useful really are these new reforms? And where's the evidence on what really works to bring about the 'shared parenting from pregnancy' that the government says it wants?
Patti says; "why not have the men give birth to the children, they'll probably do a better job of it than the modern woman can manage". 

Join Rebecca Asher and a panel of expert commentators to debate whether a radical new approach is needed if we want to raise our children fairly and happily.
Patti says; "I wish I could be at the debate, anyway it would do no good, it will not be another talking shop I hope. Good luck to you Rebecca and the RSA, thank you for planning the debate I hope you get to achieve a change in society through the debate."

Tsunami in Japan

I was touring Japan as "Carmen" in "Carmen Jones" when the Kobe earth quake happened and it felt like the end of the world. I can't even begin to imagine this Tsunami. I see it on the news, I read about it in the papers and i have been  nightmares about it wishing i could do something to help because there but for the grace of God go I. Someone said to me; "Aren't we lucky that we live in Britain!" I felt a shudder and had to remind her that Britan is an island and the earth is shifting underneath us.
While I was in Japan, I came to admire the Japanese people for their stoic character, accepting what ever life and nature brings, their disciline and well behaved children. They have some customs and ways that are hard for us to understand just like they find some of our ways strange, I find a lot of their traditions very beautiful. Anyway, I am comfortable where ever a bit of respect and discipline reigns supreme because it makes for very strong people. I know  that the Japanese people will come through these terrible times stronger than ever, I continue to pray for the Japanese people.